period

i cried.

maybe because of my period thingy.

but for sure i think its not because of my period. i just get so sensitive about just a small matter and i make it big. duh.

what i was crying about? i don't think i want to spill it out to you all. You will think that i'm so childish that i shouldn't think like that.

all of my grown up years, tears accompany me. i think ahead of me what will happen to me and my family. I'm not coming from a rich family. Money is always the issues to me. (now i spill it.. haha). we always don't have enough money. and i'm always worried, counting my money whther its enough until end of month (its that a sickness?) and i always have few dollars in my account. i got scared when i only have few dollars as i'm thinking where can i get more money i can't ask money from my parents as my parents are also havin' difficulty. i have 3 little sisters and one brother. they are still young. (yes i'm the eldest). i always feel guilty when i don't have enough money to spend money for them. Though, i don't have enough of it, i'll ask them if there anything they want. or else i'll bring them to watch movie and dinner. thats all i can only do for them.

i do have to pay bills - telephone, electric and water, my car and laptop loans, visa and mastercard (i will cut my visa and mastercard once i finished paying 'em). Give money to my mommy and sisters. and now i need to save money around $300 -- thats for future needed. i will be goin to uni soon (if i'm accepted) and i need to find extra income. yeah back to school. i want to go to uni takin' my degree. extra hardwork. its ok. i'll have a better pay once i'm out of uni. i'm so worried. *sigh*

salary will be out tomorrow and i count my money again (haha). when i keep on counting.. i'll say ohhh i can't spend any money for myself this month and next few months. so boring. :(. just now, i chat with him and i told him all those things that worried me. yah you know once i get admitted to uni i'll only be able to pay car loan. how about the rest? so i am thinking to get a job. yeah a job.. maybe a tuition teacher or work at fast food restaurant. maybe. or most probably i'll have two jobs at one time. that time i will be exhausted and hopefully i'll have time to spend time with him.

Hope things will be fine.