sleepy

*yawn*

I'm sleepy and tired. Just got back from swimming. Feelin better now.

good nyt you. have a good rest. :)

period

i cried.

maybe because of my period thingy.

but for sure i think its not because of my period. i just get so sensitive about just a small matter and i make it big. duh.

what i was crying about? i don't think i want to spill it out to you all. You will think that i'm so childish that i shouldn't think like that.

all of my grown up years, tears accompany me. i think ahead of me what will happen to me and my family. I'm not coming from a rich family. Money is always the issues to me. (now i spill it.. haha). we always don't have enough money. and i'm always worried, counting my money whther its enough until end of month (its that a sickness?) and i always have few dollars in my account. i got scared when i only have few dollars as i'm thinking where can i get more money i can't ask money from my parents as my parents are also havin' difficulty. i have 3 little sisters and one brother. they are still young. (yes i'm the eldest). i always feel guilty when i don't have enough money to spend money for them. Though, i don't have enough of it, i'll ask them if there anything they want. or else i'll bring them to watch movie and dinner. thats all i can only do for them.

i do have to pay bills - telephone, electric and water, my car and laptop loans, visa and mastercard (i will cut my visa and mastercard once i finished paying 'em). Give money to my mommy and sisters. and now i need to save money around $300 -- thats for future needed. i will be goin to uni soon (if i'm accepted) and i need to find extra income. yeah back to school. i want to go to uni takin' my degree. extra hardwork. its ok. i'll have a better pay once i'm out of uni. i'm so worried. *sigh*

salary will be out tomorrow and i count my money again (haha). when i keep on counting.. i'll say ohhh i can't spend any money for myself this month and next few months. so boring. :(. just now, i chat with him and i told him all those things that worried me. yah you know once i get admitted to uni i'll only be able to pay car loan. how about the rest? so i am thinking to get a job. yeah a job.. maybe a tuition teacher or work at fast food restaurant. maybe. or most probably i'll have two jobs at one time. that time i will be exhausted and hopefully i'll have time to spend time with him.

Hope things will be fine.

ambition

oh hi. :) I'm back. Today is Monday. I'm supposed to go to work today but i feel like i don't want to go to work and look at the pc again. sucks. so i told my engineer i'm ill and i can't come to work. so let him be busy. but i guess he will be not in the office. yeah right.. just relaxing. i think tomorrow i'll be busy since there were lots of pending complaints, penidng replies email. hmm. *sigh*

today i spent my time at home. send msg to boyfriend. well he do knows that i'm not actually that ill. haha. and i spent my time practicing my modern chinese painting again. *phew* no class last week. cancelled. umm.. two more days for salary to comes out and start savings. i need it when really need it. (what was i sayin? :s) i hope i will be accpeted to a university. I'm kinda bored working with my company. I'm bored with my job. or probably i'm not ready to move on with a bigger job or maybe i'm just scared to be given a job that i don't really want to do. what do i want?

ok lets begin. at the age of 21/22 (as i remember), i don't really know what was my ambition. i was not thinking straight. before in secondary school i want to be a doctor. (ahah.. every kid want to be a doc). but then .. as i grew up.. everythings change. i'm blank. so after i graduate, i wanted to do different thing. something i can do naturally. naturally comes out of me. i started to surf in the internet and i found AHAH! oohh.. a blog skin. wooah.. make your won blog skin using what software?! and i kept on searching and learning. And now i know PHOTOSHOP is a very interesting to explore and learn. I learn alot (but not really.. just the basic things). i began by making a blog skin for a free website like bloggers.com ( and i signed up for blogger too. haha) . I searched dozen of tutorials. interetsing tutorial for a beginner like me. then i upgraded myself by learning HTML (currently learning how to use CSS). and move on to editing photos, photo manipulation, makin' my own wallpaper. hehe. interesting? till now, i still do it. i think i become one of the genius geeks in the world. haha. just kiddin'. ;) .

back to my ambition. now. i want to be an illustrator for children book. at least one. why? i don't know. the feeling keep on coming and so strong sayin' that show to the world that you can do that too though you are not an art student, not an artist (but pretend to be an artist), not graduated from art school .. show your skill girl! yaeah! i like to draw, doodling on any papers (haha.. i do this in the office too), scan my work and colored it n the photoshop ( more easy for me) and .. i take art lesson! wow. i pat myself. keep doin' it girl. you don't know what happen next. a miracle maybe. :) haha. i know. i'm a dreamer.

i wish my dreams come true...

hmm.. what a day. Lots of things happening in the office. the testing with some other operators can be so troublesome but when you get to finish the work, you are excited to get home! when i reach home, i'll have a rest on a sofa and watch tv. my favourite drama show. sometimes i don't take a bath at all. haha as you know its been raining nowadays and the water? i don't think so you will want to. hahaha i bet it will be freezing~ brrrr~

my cough is still ... you know. i think i have a dry coughin' at the moment (oops sorry for the bad english). I can'tstop cough and at the same time, my stomach is grumbling. My day is so busy that i got angry easily. haha even it is just a joke. i can't take it. maybe it because i'm goin' to have my period? maybe. i hope so. I don't want to have that very bad nightmares i have that before this i did not have my period for few mths sometimes happens about a year. Scary huh? but now since i eat my vitamin e with fish oil tablet (brand: blackmores). It working well. I keep on havin' my period every mth now. hehe. i'm glad.

i want to get gocco print for myself. I found it out when one of the blogger living in Japan with her husbdan( for your info she married to a Japanese man. Cool isn't it?) so she introduce to all other bloggers to have a try. She said we will love it. I love that kind of thing so that i can do something at home other than doodling in moleskine book and joining an art class. hehe. gocco print we can print on fabric too. It will be fun right? :D i need to do something else. And yeah.. i've been so eager to learn how to sew when i saw Lans Jansdotter handbook where we can make our own handmade bag. I check out at one of the tailor shop.. that kind of cloth/fabric cost around $18+ *dies* i don't think i can afford it. i can afford to buy a cheap fabric maybe around $4?! hmm i'm sure i can get extra income.

k.. off to home! =) tata.

today. not really busy as like yesterday. I was a bit stressed out since i'm doing my coleague things. I'm not feeling well too. I keep on coughing non-stop. I feel like half of my life is dedicated to this cough thingy. *sneezing* oohhh!

I'm quite ok lately. What i mean is all this mood swing which has been on me for all this long just some kind of vanish just like that. hehe. how good is that. and because of this nice feeling I've becoming to be so sweet with him. yeah you remember right the last time i got mad with him because all of the silly mistake i made. Grr. And now i'm ok.

I am really excited to finish my acryclic painting. Oh yes, i joined an art class. It is quite fun. I forget all the things that had been making me angry, stress, exhausted and tired. All of a sudden it just disappear. During the lesson, i can only think how to mix this and that color. how to get this color. oh how i can create textures with this and that. It just make me more relax. I decided to move on from modern chinese painting to acrylic painting. because i think i should learn too. Modern chinese painting is much more easy than acrylic. haha . no no i'm not regretting it. Chinese painting is more to spontaneous, neatness. but as for acrylic, i have to be careful not to over done it with the color. as my tutor said, don't get so excited dear you'll end up messing it up. haha so i stop for a while and take a look at it first from a far distance. then i start again. Its nearly completed. My tutor daughter's thought that i was painting with oil paint. she said it looks like oil paint. huhuh.. i remembered audrey kawasaki. her oil painting is look-alike-watercolor painting ( correct? or is it the other way round?) and that makes me feel proud. hhaha duhh~ i'm just a beginner compare to audrey who have a very artistic talent! hehe

Today is a rainy day the same like the other days. hmm. rainy day. make me feel sleepy. and oh it reminds me of doughnut. delicious doughnut covered with almond. slurrps! I'll go later to buy it.

tata~ ^_^

lunch break

i'm just after lunch break.

All of a sudden during the lunch break i was so quiet.

It just because of him! Urghh!!

I don't know what is wrong with him. When i make a small mistake. He'll make it as a big deal out of it. Grrr!! I always lose to him. Why? Because i can't remember any of his mistakes. If i do remember, i would slam him back with my words. |-(

My weakness, i can't remember a thing. I can't defend myself when i'm wrong as he said i'm already wrong. Urghh!! i hated it..

first post

hmm.. yup my first post. :) and yeah i'm done editing the HTML. Replacing the header with my own header that i design myself. hehe

So yah.. :) gotta to go. Time to get off from my work.